Tell the Truth Until It Feels Good

I once heard someone say that to tell people to give until it hurts was not good advice.  This person argued that one should tell people to give until it feels good.  I think the same can be said for being open and honest with people.  If you go around pretending to be someone you’re not, you may end up disappointing people because you didn’t live up to their expectations of you, whether warranted or not.  And when you disappoint people you may wind up feeling disappointed in yourself.  And then, it could turn into a cycle of disappointment, and nobody would be very happy.

That doesn’t sound like a very pleasant way to live, does it?  What if you changed the situation from the very beginning?  If you are honest with others when they ask you questions, yes, you may disappoint them at first, and that may not feel very good.  But they will learn more about you through your honesty.  They will learn what they can expect from you.  They will most likely respect you more for being open than for pretending to be something or someone you are not.  In the long run, you will develop stronger relationships because you build trust through honesty.

I have often had people say to me, “Why don’t you do things a different way?” or “Why don’t you try changing x about yourself?”  My answer is simple:  because that’s not me.  If I change something about myself to make people like me better, that is no way to live.  I would be living a lie, disappointing myself, and making myself miserable.  Not to mention, when I am no longer able to keep up the charade, I am going to let people down who think I fit the mold of what I have pretended to be.

So, tell the truth, be open, be candid.  You will gather a group of people around you who know the real you and respect you for who you are.  And I doubt you will miss those who may have liked you for a mere appearance anyway.

One Step at a Time

It’s really hard not to make comparisons between oneself and other people.  It is all too easy to look at others in one’s peer group and see all the ways in which other people seem to be doing so much better or be further along in their career paths and to dwell on one’s own perceived shortcomings.

God made each of us unique for a reason.  God has a plan for each of us, and it is impossible for us to know what that plan is.  That doesn’t mean that each individual’s choices don’t have an impact, or that it might not be discouraging for it to seem like one is behind or constantly trying to catch up to one’s peers.

Progress is made one step at a time.  For some, the steps are larger than for others.  For some, the steps are surefooted and certain.  For others, they are more hesitant.  One moves forward at one’s own pace, trying to make sure not to slip and fall backwards.

It is important to have trust in the process.  It is important to recognize when God provides challenges as an opportunity for growth.  God never gives us more than we can handle.  Trust that He knows what He is doing.

Developing Self-Image as a Christian

A week or so ago, my dad was watching a group of small children playing, and he posed the following question:  Do you think little kids have the awareness that they are cute?  This question has a lot wrapped up in it.  When do we as humans develop self-awareness?  When do we develop self-esteem?  What influences our self-esteem and when do those influences start to affect us?

As a former teacher, my first instinct was to consult educational psychology.  Jean Piaget and other human development scientists have identified various stages of development.  Carl Rogers specifically delved more into the area of development of sense of self and self-esteem.  He posited that there are three components to self-concept:  self-worth (how we feel about ourselves in terms of personality), self-image (how we feel about ourselves in terms of physical appearance), and ideal-self (what we would like ourselves to be in terms of both of the previous aspects).

Many factors can influence our sense of self-image, from our environment, to the people with whom we interact, to the type of media we consume, and so on.  In the ideal circumstances, young children should be raised in an environment that promotes a good self-image, and therefore may have the awareness that they are “cute” from as early as two years old.  Unfortunately, the ideal is often not the reality.

As Catholics, hopefully we are taught from a young age that we are children of God and that God loves us.  Last week I wrote about Fred Rogers and his message that children are special just the way they are.  I wrote about how Mr. Rogers was an important adult figure in many children’s lives in that he instilled this sense of living as a child of God without actually saying the words.  It would seem to follow that, if we live life as people of God, we understand that God loves us no matter what, and that fact should have a positive effect on our self-image.  We just have to believe that it is true, even when it might be difficult to do so.

Life has many ups and downs.  The trick is to enjoy the up times and weather the down times, remembering that the down times won’t last forever.

How would you respond to my dad’s question?  Share in the comments section below.  Remember to keep all comments civil and respectful.

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Learn more about Carl Rogers and his theory of self-concept development here.